Backgrounder
2
Tim's
Tips for parents: Keeping your child steered clear of violence
Raising a teenager is probably
the most difficult task for a parent to accomplish. Tim
Hutchinson, author of the powerful new memoir, Life
Extreme, spent his teen years on a downward spiral of
hatred, violence and crime. Hutchinson lived unthinkable
experiences and still managed to turn his life around. No one
knows the hearts and minds of troubled teens better than
Hutchinson, and his book is a revealing instructional document
for parents.
Warning signs:
- Uncontrollable outbursts
- Making violent threats when angry
- Reading books with violent themes
- Acting depressed and/or having mood swings
- Being bullied by peers or older kids
- Sudden changes in grooming habits
- Not interacting with close friends and peers
- Withdrawing from group participation in class
- Seeming preoccupied with things other than
school work and won’t discuss what it is
- Becoming very secretive
- Avoiding conversations with adults
Here is an article by Tim
Hutchinson, for School Today magazine, that may be helpful:
Almost Columbine Tim
Hutchinson — Teen Violence Expert
YEAR: 1976
Where were you in the spring of
1976? Living your life in one of the big cities of America? Or
maybe a quiet country setting or somewhere abroad. Were you
settled into your life, or not quite out of the planning stage?
Perhaps you were young enough to be still a blip on your
parent’s radar.
I know where I was: In a stolen
car loaded with weapons and explosives, with hate, anger and
rage coursing through my veins, hell-bent on killing everyone at
my high school. If given the choice, it was not the life I would
have picked for myself – fate seemed to be the cruel master.
How I got to that point is quite
a story. Years of physical and mental abuse at home certainly
played a part. I clearly remember the quiet footsteps of that
trusted adult who snuck down the hallway late one night, and
into a child’s bedroom to steal their innocence – my
innocence. As if to add insult to injury, I was told how
worthless I was on nearly a daily basis. Though I looked for
friendship from my classmates at school, I seemed to always end
up being bullied and picked on. Too ashamed to tell any of my
teachers, I did my best to hide the obvious signs.
With no refuge to be found
anywhere, no tiny oasis to call my own, I was like a ticking
time bomb. It was only a matter of time before I blew up and
tried to destroy everyone and everything around me. Violence
seemed like the only option for me, and I thought I knew what
had to be done.
YEAR: 2002
My family and I have gathered in
the backyard for a bonfire. S’mores are on
the menu tonight. As we stand together, we talk about how
fortunate it is that I was stopped just blocks away from
attacking my high school. And how after spending years
committing various crimes, always one step away from prison or
the grave, I ended up being mentored by two special people; one
was a man who survived the horrors of Nazi Germany and the other
was a teacher.
I know now that one of the
biggest mistakes of my youth was not seeking wise counsel. For
me it was a matter of finding someone I felt could be trusted.
Though I made every attempt to conceal the dysfunction in my
life, I secretly hoped that a teacher or another adult at school
would recognize the signs and reach out to me.
The trouble that was brewing
inside couldn’t have been more obvious if I had a neon light
over my head that read, “Beware: Ticking Time Bomb!” But in
those days, not as much attention was paid to such warning
signs. Fortunately, that has been changing steadily over the
years, and ever since the Columbine massacre it has become
almost mandatory. And once again the role of a teacher has
evolved. Teachers are now encouraged to look for warning signs
[see list]:
Teachers provide a “window”
through which curious students can view a larger world they
cannot yet occupy – but someday will. Teachers also provide
motivation and help to build self-esteem. Through this type of
interaction, teachers have an opportunity to be on the lookout
for the warning signs of trouble in their students.
These days it’s becoming
increasingly common that students spend more time in class than
they do interacting with their own parents. Many times teachers
are more to their students than just the instructor of the
“Three R’s.” The influence teachers have on their students
can have an impact that will last a lifetime. Students look up
to their teachers and school administrators as role models, and,
from them, learn how to act as a responsible adult.
I'm happier now that my life is
turned around. It's something more than being a
father. It's having peace and security in my life, feeling as
though I truly belong somewhere and knowing that I have options
like never before. I know I'm in a much better position now to
meet, and make the most of, whatever the future may bring. My
life has indeed gone full circle, from a troublemaker to a
problem-solver. Not a day goes by that I’m not thankful for
those two people who saw the signs and reached out to me.
Teen
Violence Facts:
Teen violence is a significant
problem. If you’re a parent of a teenager, you’ll going to
want to read the following statistics, from Focus Adolescent
Services. Warning: These facts may be startling or
unsettling.
www.focusas.com/
- Unintentional injury accounts
for around 60% of adolescent injury deaths, while violence
(homicide and suicide) accounts for the remaining 40%.
- Homicide is the second leading
killer and suicide is the third leading cause of death for
youth, ages 15 to 24, in the United States.
- For 10- to 14-year-olds,
firearm-related violence is the third leading cause of death.
- Firearm-related homicide is
the second leading cause of death amongst young Americans 15 to
19 years of age.
- Among African-Americans, ages
15 to 19, firearm-related homicide is the leading cause of
death.
- In 1999, 35.7% of high school
students reported being in a physical fight in the past 12
months and 4% of students were injured in a physical fight
seriously enough to require treatment by a doctor or nurse.
http://focusas.com/Violence.html
Getting inside the mind of a
teenager can be very difficult for an adult. That’s why Life
Extreme is an important book for parents to read. It gives a
startlingly vivid portrait of a teen from the eyes of an adult,
essential and entertaining reading for any parent struggling to
raise a responsible child free of violence and hatred.
In light of recent events such
as the Columbine massacre, many parents feel powerless once they
drop their teens off at high school, as if they have no control
over their child becoming a perpetrator or victim of on-campus
acts of violence. However, parents are not as powerless as they
think. Here are some tips on how to prevent your child from
becoming involved in school violence, presented by the National
Crime Prevention Council:
- Recognize that keeping
firearms in your home may put you at legal risk as well as
expose you and your family to physical risk. In many states,
parents can be held liable for their children's actions,
including inappropriate use of firearms. If you do choose to
keep firearms at home, ensure that they are securely locked,
that ammunition is locked and stored separately, and that
children know weapons are never to be touched without your
express permission and supervision. Take an active role in your
children's schools. Talk regularly with teachers and staff.
Volunteer in the classroom or library, or in after-school
activities. Work with parent-teacher-student organizations. Act
as role models. Settle your own conflicts peaceably and manage
anger without violence.
- Listen to and talk with
your children regularly. Find out what they're thinking on all
kinds of topics. Create an opportunity for two-way conversation,
which may mean forgoing judgments or pronouncements. This kind
of communication should be a daily habit, not a reaction to
crisis.
- Communicate clearly on
the violence issue. Explain that you don't accept and won't
tolerate violent behavior. Discuss what violence is and is not.
Answer questions thoughtfully. Listen to children's ideas and
concerns. They may bring up small problems that can easily be
solved now, problems that could become worse if allowed to
fester.
- Help your children learn
how to examine and find solutions to problems. Kids who know
how to approach a problem and resolve it effectively are less
likely to be angry, frustrated, or violent. Take advantage of
"teachable moments" to help your child understand and
apply these and other skills. Discourage name-calling and
teasing. These behaviors often escalate into fistfights (or
worse). Whether the teaser is violent or not, the victim may see
violence as the only way to stop it.
- Insist on knowing your
children's friends, whereabouts, and activities. It's your
right.
- Work with other parents to
develop standards for school-related events, acceptable
out-of-school activities and places, and required adult
supervision. Support each other in enforcing these
standards. Join up with other parents, through school and
neighborhood associations, religious organizations, civic
groups, and youth activity groups. Talk with each other about
violence problems, concerns about youth in the community,
sources of help to strengthen and sharpen parenting skills, and
similar issues. www.ncpc.org/2schvio1.htm
For parents who don’t know
where to start when it comes to guiding their troubled teen,
there are a number of online resources that can prove to be very
helpful. Below is a selection of links that could help parents
in their goal to raise a responsible, healthy child.
Backgrounder
3
How prevalent is school violence
in today’s society?
Books like Life Extreme
can help prevent teen violence. — Tim Hutchinson was driving a
stolen car full of weapons to his high school, just moments away
from making headlines as the very first perpetrator of school
massacre. (The very first documented shooting occurred in 1978,
and was committed by a girl) Tim Hutchinson was stopped by
minutes before assaulting his high school in 1976.) Then,
miraculously, he was blocked from committing his crime, and as
time went on he turned his life around completely.
- How many potential student
massacres could Life Extreme prevent?
- What are the factors that
influence teen violence and how can it be prevented?
Because data privacy act(s)
prevent schools from releasing this information to the general
public, the media may be unaware of how violent schools really
are.
True story: At the school Tim
Hutchinson's where wife works, a student dressed in black,
hooded, armed with a knife attempted to rape a girl in the
bathroom. He let her go because he didn’t think she was pretty
enough. As he waited in the girl’s bathroom for another
victim, the girl he let go told an administrator, who in turn,
notified the police. They arrested the young man and took him to
jail.
This student was released to the
custody of his parents, who insisted the school allow him back
until his trial. At his expulsion hearing the young man stated
that he had an emotional problem and was therefore covered by
the Americans with Disabilities Act and therefore the school
could not expel him. Further, he stated, because of the Data
Privacy Act the school officials could not notify the girl, her
parent’s, or anyone else that he was coming back. (Clearly his
parents had him counseled by an attorney).
The school felt they had no
choice but to let this young man back in. One week later he
turned in his journal to a teacher for review. Inside it
detailed how he desired to rape the teacher! But once again he
was allowed to remain in school because of his so-called
“Emotional Disability.”
According to Hutchinson, when
students are caught with a knife and/or gun they may be given
the option of withdrawing from school, or going through the
expulsion process. Many choose to withdraw from that high school
and simply enroll in another. These incidents are not reported,
and thus not included in statistics.
Here are some quick facts about
violent incidents in schools:
Source: http://nces.ed.gov/pubs2001/crime2000/disreport.asp?nav=2
During 1996-97, 10 percent of
all public schools reported at least one serious violent crime
to a law enforcement representative. Another 47 percent of
public schools reported a less serious violent or nonviolent
crime. The remaining 43 percent did not report any of crimes to
the police. [However, due to laws that protect student privacy
and "emotional disabilities," many crimes go
unreported and are not reported on any statistics.]
Reported crime incidence is
similar at the middle and high school levels. At each level,
about 20 percent of the schools reported at least one serious
violent crime, and about 55 percent reported at least one less
serious violent or nonviolent crime.
There is a lower crime rate at
the elementary level than at the middle or high school levels.
The percentage of schools
reporting at least one serious violent crime was much higher in
cities (17 percent) than in towns (five percent) or rural areas
(eight percent).
Many
factors lead to violence in schools. Here are a few of them:
Violence on TV: Psychological
research has shown three major effects of seeing violence on
television.
- Children may become less sensitive to the pain
and suffering of others.
- Children may be more fearful of the world
around them.
- Children may be more likely to behave in
aggressive or harmful ways toward others.
- Also, children who watch a lot of TV are less
aroused by violent scenes than are those who only watch a
little; in other words, they're less bothered by violence in
general, and less likely to see anything wrong with it. A study
on this can be found at: www.apa.org/pubinfo/violence.html
Heavy metal music. Music
lyrics have become increasingly violent over the last 40.
References to sex, drugs, and violence, especially in the heavy
metal and "gangsta rap" music genres, are eliciting
concern. In some cases lyrics communicate potentially harmful
health messages. Today’s environment poses unprecedented
threats to the health and well being of adolescents. Pregnancy,
drug use, AIDS (and other sexually transmitted diseases),
injuries, homicide, and suicide have all become part of the
landscape of everyday life for many American teens. Music that
glorifies undesirable behavior may also increase teen violence.
For more information, go to www.aap.org/policy/01219.html
Peer pressure: Peers play
a big role in determining how teenagers behave. When peers
pressure each other, foolish choices result. Teenagers tend to
lose their identity in a group and may do things they would not
normally in order to be accepted.
Media coverage: When
incidents like the Columbine shootings receive heavy TV
coverage, the likelihood for copycat events to occur could
increase. However, media coverage about overcoming the odds,
success, and changing one's life despite adversity, including Life
Extreme and the inspirational movie, Antwone Fisher, may
turn teens away from criminal behavior.
Concern about increasing youth
violence is being channeled into a variety of innovative
programs around the country. Although components vary depending
on the particular needs of the community, here are components
that appear to be effective:
- Make an accurate assessment of
the existence of violence and, especially, gang activity.
- Use all the resources in the community,
including social service and law enforcement, and not just rely
on school officials to deal with the problem.
- Incorporate family services into both
community and school programs.
- Intervene early in a child's life.
- Include not only anti-violence strategies but
also positive experiences.
- Create and communicate clearly defined
behavior codes, and enforce them strictly and uniformly.
- Prepare to engage in a long-term effort.
For more research on community violence to
prevent teen violence, click here: http://eric-web.tc.columbia.edu/digest/dig115.asp
Bring
speakers to teens at your schools
Another form of violence
prevention is getting people like Tim Hutchinson to speak at
high schools because, as Hutchinson says, “Teens will only
listen to someone who has gone through what they have and lived
to tell the tale.”
Hutchinson is a passionate
speaker: “Every day I hear about the problems that kids are
facing at school and in their personal lives. Across the
country, some students have admitted to having serious thoughts
about doing a "Columbine type shooting!" In fact just
a few months ago a plan was foiled when one school went into
Code Red Lockdown and the Police made Emergency Sweeps through
the school! Obviously this is a problem that simply will not go
away without us addressing it head-on. Something MUST be done
and done now!”
“Unfortunately, much of this
sounds familiar to me and I can readily identify with what teens
are going through. The difference in my case was that I was so
much more radical. I took life to the extreme! If I had made it
those last few blocks to my high school, I would have become the
first school shooter, and the largest mass murderer in US
history. When I think about this I realize how close I came to
ruining my life forever and the lives of many innocent
people.” “I'm convinced that if my life can be changed, so
can anyone's. I believe in learning by example.” www.StopTheBullying.net
Backgrounder
4
Teenagers from dysfunctional families CAN succeed
Just ask Tim Hutchinson —
author of the compelling true-life memoir Life Extreme,
tells the story of his broken home and his troubled childhood,
which nearly culminated in attacking his own high school with an
assault rifle. Now he has turned his life around and committed
himself to helping troubled teens. Though statistics say
children raised in dysfunctional families are more likely to
commit criminal acts, Hutchinson is living proof that anyone —
despite their background — can turn their life around and
succeed. His memoir is a powerful document that proves a poor
family life does not sentence children to ruin.
Hutchinson writes, “A lot of
kids grow up in tough neighborhoods. Gangs, drugs, weapons,
dysfunctional families, physical and emotional abuse and a
number of other factors make life in these neighborhoods
hell…I grew up in one such neighborhood, and I barely
survived. Miraculously I got out. Scarred, but alive. The
challenge now was to salvage what I could of the tangled
wreckage that barely resembled a life.”
Hutchinson was raised in a
broken, abusive home. His parents got divorced when he was young
and he father beat him numerous times. In Life Extreme,
he discusses one such incident and how it affected him:
“Dad was there and he had a 2
by 4 piece of construction lumber, and instead of beating my
mom, he was beating me with it. I was afraid that he was going
to kill me. It takes a lot for emotions in children to die, as
they tend to be quite resilient. But because of all the violence
and abuse I had seen and experienced up to then, my emotions
were on a death march. Then by the age of 12, they were all but
dead. And I was little more than a cold, heartless bastard.”
Child abuse is a larger problem
in the U.S. than many people would like to admit. Check out
these startling statistics about child abuse, according to
Prevent Child Abuse America:
- An estimated 3,154,000
children were reported to child protective service agencies as
alleged victims of child abuse or neglect in 1998, and
approximately one million of these reports were confirmed.
- Approximately three children
died each day in the United States from abuse or neglect in
1997.
- While the Nation’s overall
crime rate fell 22 percent from 1993 to 1997, reports of child
abuse and neglect grew by 8 percent and confirmed cases
increased 4 percent.
- Fifty-one percent of the
reported cases in 1998 involved neglect, while 25 percent
involved physical abuse, 10 percent involved sexual abuse, three
percent involved emotional abuse and 11 percent were related to
other forms of child maltreatment.
- One-half of all Americans
believe child abuse and neglect is the most important public
health issue facing this country, compared to other public
health issues like drug and alcohol abuse, heart disease, cancer
and HIV/AIDS. www.childabuse.com/stats98.htm
Child abuse is more than just a
physical threat to children. It is also the source of long-term
emotional problems in adults.
According to the American
Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, children who have
been abused may display these behaviors:
- A poor self image
- Sexual acting out
- Inability to trust or love others
- Aggressive, disruptive, and sometimes illegal
behavior
- Anger and rage
- Self destructive or self abusive behavior,
suicidal thoughts
- Passive or withdrawn behavior
- Fear of entering into new relationships or
activities
- Anxiety and fears
- School problems or failure
- Feelings of sadness or other symptoms of
depression
- Flashbacks, nightmares
- Drug and alcohol abuse
Often the severe emotional
damage to abused children does not surface until adolescence or
later, when many abused children become abusing parents. An
adult who was abused as a child often has trouble establishing
intimate personal relationships. These men and women may have
trouble with physical closeness, touching, intimacy, and trust
as adults. They are also at higher risk for anxiety, depression,
substance abuse, medical illness, and problems at school or
work. Without proper treatment, physically abused children can
be damaged for life. Through treatment, the abused child begins
to regain a sense of self-confidence and trust. [See the full
article: www.aacap.org/publications
]
Broken homes, where the parents
have been divorced, are also a common source of troubled
children. Hutchinson’s parents were divorced when he was still
fairly young.
- Among long-term prison
inmates, 70 percent grew up without fathers, as did 60 percent
of rapists and 75 percent of adolescents charged with murder.
- Fatherless children are three
times more likely to fail school, require psychiatric treatment
and commit suicide as adolescents.
- They are also up to 40 times
more likely to experience child abuse compared with children
growing up in two-parent families. Source: http://patriot.net/~crouch/adr/kids.html
It may seem impossible for
abused children to overcome lasting emotional problems to turn
their life around. Hutchinson writes in Life Extreme,
“I’ve learned that once you’re on the ‘treadmill’ of a
broken life, it’s hard to get off while having to meet the
demands of life (i.e. taking care of yourself and meeting your
basic needs in life). That’s why it’s important to make the
best of your youth to set the foundation of your life.”
For adults dealing with the
memories of child abuse, there are ways to recover and get on
with one’s life. The following is a three-part recovery
framework for those who have been abused in the past, provided
by the Adult Survivor’s of Child Abuse.
http://www.ascasupport.org/2010a-intro.htmg
Stage one: Remembering
- I am in a breakthrough crisis,
having gained some sense of my abuse.
- I have determined that I was physically,
sexually or emotionally abused as a child.
- I have made a commitment to recovery from my
childhood abuse.
- I shall re-experience each set of memories as
they surface in my mind.
- I accept that I was powerless over my abusers'
actions, which holds THEM responsible.
- I can respect my shame and anger as a
consequence of my abuse, but shall try not to turn it against
myself or others.
- I can sense my inner child whose efforts to
survive now can be appreciated.
Stage two: Mourning
- I have made an inventory of
the problem areas in my adult life.
- I have identified the parts of myself
connected to self-sabotage.
- I can control my anger and find healthy
outlets for my aggression.
- I can identify faulty beliefs and distorted
perceptions in myself and others.
- I am facing my shame and developing
self-compassion.
- I accept that I have the right to be who I
want to be and live the way I want to live.
- I am able to grieve my childhood and mourn the
loss of those who failed me.
Stage Three: Healing
- I am entitled to take the
initiative to share in life's riches.
- I am strengthening the healthy parts of
myself, adding to my self-esteem.
- I can make necessary changes in my behavior
and relationships at home and work.
- I have resolved the abuse with my offenders to
the extent that is acceptable to me.
- I hold my own meaning about the abuse that
releases me from the legacy of the past.
- I see myself as a thriver in all aspects of
life - love, work, parenting, and play.
- I am resolved in the reunion of my new self
and eternal soul.
"My daughter, Rachel Scott, was the
first student murdered at Columbine High School on April 20,
1999. The book 'Life Extreme' by Tim Hutchinson is a book every
parent and student should read. It is the compelling, dramatic
story of a man who found his solution through, not religion, but
genuine personal faith. This is what carried us through the pain
we suffered when Rachel was killed"
--Darrell Scott
